so lately i have been abnormally depressed and easily angered by everything. i think that i have lost my ablity to just accept that people and my life are never going to be perfect. i get frusterated by people that are jerks and that act like they love you to your face and then stab you in the back. i hate those kinds of people. the ones who you think are your true friends till you hear that they were talking about you behind your back. i hate the kind of person who will just complaine about everthing. even though it looks like that is what i am doing. i am just venting. i try not to do this very often because i dislike so strongly when people just vent everything all of the time.
i feel like crying because i am in so much pain all of the time and i hate it because you can't develope relationships when you are in pain and that is what i love to do. i love being wrong about people when it is for the better because i love discovering new things in people. i love diffrent types of people because you never get the same relationships wht everyone. i love developing deep relationships where you can just talk for hours about absolutely nothing. but i can't do that when i always feel like i want to die. i don't want to die but i want to be out of pain and i can't get out of pain because nothing works.
i am always druged because of pain and i want to be able to feel something else for once in my life. i want to be able to do well in school and in my art and in my music but i am mediochre at best because i am always in so much pain that i can't function. i am sorry for people that are reading this i know that you don't want to hear about all of this but i just need to do this every once in a while.
i want to be able to have a friendship where it goes 2 ways. not the one way relationships i am in now where all we talk about is their girlfriend or boyfriend or how much they hate their parents or whatever. not that there isn't a time and a place for that i just don't want to have only that.
i feel as though i have bored you enough at this point so i will let you go. have a good day!